The Actual Dance - a one-man play and story that explores what love really means
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Breast Cancer Awareness Month -- Surviving Breast Cancer

10/1/2020

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The Actual Dance
 as a play presents the events of the year 2000 from my point of view as the spouse of the woman going through breast cancer.  Susan is an unlikely survivor of aggressive breast cancer.  None of her doctors expected her to survive.  I ended up writing a play about my experience of that time and its on-going impact on me as the love-partner. It took me 12 years to discover the story within me and to write the play. For the last nearly 8 years I have been telling it through performances of the play.  Every October I blog as part of breast cancer awareness month to help in raising awareness and to share elements of the story in a way that I hope will be of value to those who read these blogs.

Day 1:  Surviving Breast Cancer.   I want to start this year from the end of our story, not the beginning.  I do know that not all stories end well. People die from breast cancer.  Susan has not.  The play is mostly about getting ready to do the unthinkable – hold Susan as she would take her last breath.  Today though is a brief note about what it feels like 20 years later for Susan and me.

In fact, I want to tell briefly about our conversation last night, September 30th.  We spent a few minutes out on our deck talking about the rest of our lives – we will both soon be 75 years’ old. We both agree though our experience was entirely different, we each could not imagine being as deeply in love nor as deeply connected today without having had that challenge.  Yes, we wish it never happened, and hope you don’t have to endure what we did, and yet we found there is an infinite gift at the end of even the worst experiences.  We talked about now who and what we want to be together as we walk through these last chapters of our lives – we don’t have another 20 years – perhaps ten or so and we are fully prepared to experience them together as the happiest days of our lives.

There are gifts at the end of journey and the grow with time.


Stat of the Day: A couple is 6% more likely to be divorced after cancer diagnosis if the wife is the one who is ill than if the husband is ill, according to a study by the National Institute on Aging.

Task of the Day:  Talk to your spouse or a trusted partner or friend.  If you are in a committed relationship talk with your partner.  Share dreams and fears.  We have friends who see a counselor periodically – and have does so for 50 years of their marriage – just to make sure they are communicating.  You can’t beat the value, especially when life gets tough.

Resource of the Day:  Consider a Life Coach. It is a growing field and can be helpful in making sure each day is lived to its fullest.  Here is a good link about life coaching and how to find a coach. 

The Actual Dance:  Performances.   Donate.
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A VIDEO BLOG: Poetry of Love

8/22/2020

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Welcome to the first video blog.  Susan and I celebrate our 54 Wedding Anniversary on Sunday, August 23, 2020.   Our journey was to this delightful moment was almost interrupted in 2000 as Susan faced a grim prognosis.  Breast Cancer. The Actual Dance is the story of how I dealt with what seemed like the end of our story.  Here is me reading a few of the poems I have written along the way-- not about almost loosing Susan, instead about transforming the two of us and our deepening relationship.  Enjoy.  Leave a comment or perhaps your own poem!  
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Turning 75 With a Lot to Do.  How You Can Help

7/13/2020

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     I am turning 75 Years old this Saturday, July 18. It's a “Milestone Birthday”.  Three-fourths of a century. I admit it gives me pause.

    Yes, my time is limited. The clock is ticking. One of the truths I have acquired is that time literally is faster the older we get. It’s simple math, my next year will be in fact a smaller percentage of my life than last year, and thus goes by faster. So much to do in such a short period of time.

​       I am so grateful. There is no doubt that my life has been blessed. My time to now has had ups and downs. Wins and losses. Joys and deep grief. Without which, I would not have been able to be me at this moment and in this way. 

        There is more to be done. I am not finished. Most importantly, The Actual Dance – the love story of what life and love really mean – is the story of our time. With the world in a pandemic, with each moment now uncertain, there is a deep need for stories that ignite the power of love.

        If you are reading this and have seen the show, you know what I mean. The Actual Dance is now in the 7th year of production. We have two, and soon to be a third actor, performing the show. Our original music is elegant. 

         We are at a tipping point. The show is ready to go mainstream, and there is a global pandemic. 
   
        It is indeed the perfect moment for this show and these performances, the music and the soon to be finished and released book. 

         The planet is in the middle of its own Actual Dance. We are all standing in between worlds preparing to do the one thing we never imagined we would have to do, holding our loved one as we sway or waltz to the song of our hearts and they disappear into a tuft of light, exiting this world. Our role is to be as close to them spiritually and lovingly as we can in that moment. Yet today we may not be able to be physically present. I guarantee, though, you can be there with them in that liminal space between the present and the next world, in full spiritual unity. 

         It is The Actual Dance. The ritual to be found and the love to be discovered.
​
       I know there are many, many wonderful causes, and urgent needs in these difficult times. My ask is that you help in any way or amount you can to make the following possible:

Complete and publish the book version of The Actual Dance. (signed copy guaranteed)
  • Create video offerings of the show for audiences world-wide with distinct versions with:
    1. Chuck Obasi, a talented Actor with a distinctive story of his own love and loss, with script adapted for just his experience. 
    2. Sam Webb, a world renown tap dancer who brings unique movement and spirit to a universal journey.
  • Launch of the LoveCafe© movement – creating a network of conversations and engagements around these existential moments we all experience, modeled from the caregiver world, hospice world and faith traditions. These are the most important conversations anyone can have. 
In some ways these are the most wonderful times in our lives. The fear, the challenge the nearness of the worst awakens us to life itself and brightens the soul.    

The Actual Dance is a map to that place.

Thank you in advance for your time and consideration.   

MAKE IT POSSIBLE
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U. S.

7/2/2020

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“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

    On this July 4th holiday I am called upon to reflect on “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” Unalienable rights with which all men (humanity) is endowed with by our Creator.

We are in a time of deep reflection about the meaning of these words.  Why is it so hard to live a life in which we see the divinity in each human being? Why can we not feel called upon to create a society and social compact that rolls out an abundant horizon open to and enabling of a life lived to it’s fullest that allows us all to do so in community.

       The complexity of human urges manifested by desires of pleasure and power and exclusivity seem to confuse our understanding, or more aptly, push us to ignore these words.

      Perhaps part of the challenge is that these words were spoken at a time when they were not true.  All “men” were not treated nor acknowledged as of equal creation – there were human beings treated as property.  Women were not meant to be included within the meaning of the word "men" in those times.  The men who wrote and spoke these words owned other human beings. 

     It occurs to me that these words written 244 years ago were not a description of the truth of that moment.  Rather they were an aspiration for the future – our future.  It was a call to become those truths.
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      Today at this very difficult moment in American history in which we live there is an opportunity to make progress in this journey of becoming the American dream.  The call to a place and a time of Life, Liberty and Pursuit of Happiness for all divine creatures.  

 I see in every being a divine entity – a mirror image of me
  •             I will honor and respect that person as I would want to be.
  •             We will live in peace as neighbors in a mutual community
  •             Happy in our pursuits among an infinite wealth of diversity
​            Maybe this should be our pledge of allegiance.  Not to a flag nor a republic. Rather a pledge to work every day and in every way to establish these unalienable truths in this republic.
 
          We talk on July 4th about love of country. I've learned though that love has real meaning.  It isn't a romantic notion of carnal urges and personal pleasures.   It is a process of engaging the divinity of others and seeing within them their full humanity.  We vow in this notion to commit fully to doing our part to enable everyone to enjoy the life, liberty and the happiness that love creates.
     
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The Actual Dance of Losing A Mother

5/8/2020

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This Sunday, May 10th is Mother’s Day.   Six years ago I wrote the blog entitled: The Gift My Mother Gave to Me.  I hope you might read it again.  It has a picture of her when she was just 25 years old.  It tells a bit of her story and explains the gift she gave to me as she took her last breath.

The Actual Dance is the name of the play in which this event with my mother has a prominent role.  “The Actual Dance” is also a metaphor for the ritual of that essential moment – the last breath.  It is in so many ways a dance during that instant, holding them close, or of being held ourselves as we are about to go.  We will know that time.  There will be a unique, distinct rhythm, sound and a movement which only you two will hear, see and feel.

It was my time on September 8, 1973 to be with my mother as she was about to take her last breath. I stood at the end of her bed as two nurses held a wrist seeking a pulse.  They look first at each other, then turn to me and announce, “she’s gone.”  My eyes filled with tears and I turned away from the bed and what happened next changed me forever.

On her way out of this world, Mom in the form of a swirling tuft of a giant white cloud, visible only to me, stuttered for an instance, as if to say – “I see you, and I love you”. 
Words fail to describe the moment.   

Mother’s Day traditionally is the time to express appreciation for all that our mothers do or have done for us.  Yet many Moms are off at work. Even isolated because of their work. It is going to perhaps take some imagination to find a way to say, “I love you.”
​
There are also Mom’s among us who are ill from the virus or other causes. Perhaps waiting for their own last breath.  I know there is no “right way” to die and there is no “right way” to be with the one you love as they take that last breath. My prayer is that there is love and peace in these moments. 

A Poem
​

You could be my sister --- you are just like them
Sassier too – teasing me that I had to take a nap each day
When you already could go out to play.
You went away to a great big school
I stayed at home to the smaller one.
You found your man and I found my lady
I ushered at your wedding when I was only twenty.
Now fifty-four years later we are all still together!
You best me again with eight grandchildren
We have four.  Whose counting anyway.
Perhaps you will hear this prayer i pray
That the Dance you dance together today
In this infinite moment on Mother's Day
Brings love, beauty and  peace to you both.
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It was a Day Just like Today

5/2/2020

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I was not there on that day: May 2, 1945. Yet it seems as if I were.

Over the last number of years as I have performed The Actual Dance for audiences all over the world. I have been myself transformed in ways that allow me to believe that maybe some small piece of my soul today was there then.

A scene in The Actual Dance recalls the moment I witness a “tuft, a swirling cloud” exit my mother as she takes her last breath.  My reliving that moment as I perform the play over and over again has taught me that “life exists in each of us as a form of the divine, a tangible essence of who we are.” The spirit of the divine that exists within us connects us with others, often specific people. I believe that Susan, my wife now of 53 2/3 years, and I share some identical life-force, we are now an “equal half of a single whole.”    

So how could a piece of my soul have been there, a day just like today, 75 years ago, a few months before I was even born? 

I have a friend. An intimate friend. Rabbi Laszlo Berkowits. We met about 47 years ago. He is and has been my rabbi since then. He is now retired. The word “intimate” I now understand to mean that we are related – spiritually related. Something made us destined to be together. There is a purpose in our unity.

He, on May 2, 1945, was a 17 year old boy, laying on the ground in a place called Wöbbelin in Germany. He tells me that it was a cold, clear, early morning. He slept on the ground, outside, next to what was the remnant of the previous night cooking fire. It gave some warmth. He was, he told me, ready to die. It was just too hard. And on that day 75 years ago, he and about 600 others were liberated by the 82nd Airborne Division.

I have been to that place with him as his travel companion six different times. I was with him for the first time he ever returned. He was 17 at the time he was liberated.  He was about 75 years old that first time.  

He and I continue in his 92nd year and my 75th year of life to intimate friends. A presumptuous statement I know, yet I think a piece of me now, maybe just a little genetic spark, was with him that morning. It is what perhaps has brought him so deeply into my life.

Today, on this, the 75th anniversary of his liberation, I share three poems. The first, It was A Day Just like Today, just written based on his recollection of that morning as told to me.

The second, Who Will Stand Here, written shortly after that first visit, standing together in the Pergamon Museum, in Berlin.

​And then a poem I wrote two years ago, The Dance That Never Ends, after visiting the Ringelblum Archives on display at the Emanuel Ringelblum Jewish Historical Institute in Warsaw, Poland. These are documents written by survivors of the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising.
A Day Just Like Today

Written 5/2/2020
 
A day just like today
May 2nd, 1945
Bright, clear blue sky
Cool. About 8 degrees Celsius
I lay aside the remains of last night’s fire.
 
A rough shake of my shoulder
Get up, get up!
A voice shouts in my ear
Another shake on my shoulder
 
My body resists
Too cold and numb
The mind sighs. I thought I might finally die.
Will there really be another day?
 
Get up, get up
The voice shouts again.
The Germans are gone!
The Americans are here!
 
Slowly I rise.
Jeeps and trucks with motors running
Soldiers starring
American Soldiers of the 82nd Airborne Division
Here to save our lives
 
The soldiers do not know who we are
The first of the many strangers whose kindness I receive
People who never met me. Who do not know me.
Kindness extended just because I am here.
 
These brave and gracious men
Men of the 82nd Airborne division
Treat me with grace and care
Launch me on my new journey
 
They leave at the site of Camp Woebellin
A small bronze plaque.
Attached to a large rock
It proclaims
“The everlasting value and dignity of every human life.”


©SamuelASimon 2020

Who Will Stand Here?

Written 11/4/2018

Two Jewish men, one a holocaust survivor the other his younger, now best friend.
Standing on the floor of the Pergamon Museum in Berlin
Staring up at the towering replica of The Isthtar Gate, the first of the ancient Babylon gates.
A restored relic, a mix of new and restored glazed-blue bricks and gold hued images of ancient lions, dragons and bulls.
 
In the center is an arched gateway to the ancient world of Nebuchadnezzar II.
The King who destroyed the first Jewish Temple and launched the first mass exile
A long broad walkway once ended here taking those Jews away from what been their land.
Those tyrants and killers of Jews are gone now.
Only remnants and relics remain.
 
Two Jewish men, one a Holocaust survivor the other his younger, now best friend.
Standing on the Pergamon Museum floor staring-up at the towering replica of an ancient Gate of Babylon.
Having come here from a more recent scene of horror, POW Camp Woebbelin
A make-shift camp used by Nazis to imprison Jews and others whose fate had yet to be set.
.
Laszlo, once had lived there, a mere teen not knowing if he would wake the next morning.
Now staring with his friend at the replica of the ancient Ishtar Gate of Babylon.
Remembering Woebbelin, another place where tyrants and killers sought to destroy the Jews.
Those too are gone now!
 
And look at us!! Look at us!!
Two older now American Jews. A former Holocaust prisoner and his younger best friend.
Standing on the floor of the Pergamon Museum staring at a replica of an original gate of ancient Babylon.
Having just left the remnants of Camp Woebbelin.
And look at us!! Look at us!!
We are still here!
 
Today, years later we stand among mourners anew.
Mourning the loss of eleven more Jews.
A guard with a gun now at each door. Will he stop the next horror?
Now look at us. Two older American Jews. Soon too we will be gone.
​
Who will still stand here then?

©SamuelASimon 2018

The Dance That Never Ends

Written 11/17/2017
​
The stench in the air
The screams in the night
The young boy shot in front of you
"Too small bring me another!"
 
The loves of your life
Gone in the morning
You are next
Or not
 
A knock on the door!
 
The Orchestra plays and never stops 
The song is not your song
There are sounds in shape of words
No beauty nor dignity here
Nothing elegant, nothing clear
 
There are notes to be written
Documents to be saved.
We must witness what has happened here.
The time is now.
​A knock on the door!
 
Stories must be told
Not by you and not by me
By real fragments of the day
Stored in tins and cans
Buried in rubble and sand
 
We who read them now
Those fragments written long ago
Do not hear the sound
Do not know the pain
 
We remember and want to know
We want to once again be whole
But this is The Dance that never ends
 
Just notes to ne read, documents to be restored
Stories to be retold
 
©SamuelASimon 2017
Inspired by the documents in the Ringelblum Archives on display at the Emanuel Ringelblum Jewish Historical Institute in Warsaw, Poland.  On display are documents recovered after World War II that had been created and then buried by a group of people come to be known as the Oneg Shabbat Project. The Actual Dance Is a play written by Samuel A Simon and refers to a ritual of end-of-life imagined in a ballroom holding the person you love as they disappear with their last breath.  It is portrayed as a moment of beauty and meaning.  

What Do You Think?

I'd love to hear. Your comments mean a lot to me. Share in the comments section below. Thank you.

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The Poetry of The Actual Dance: The Music of Poetry

4/24/2020

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When I wrote US, the message was that the most important thing we can do in life is tell those we love, “I love you.”
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As National Poetry Month comes to an end, I want to share today again the poem US.

This time, though, in music.

Poetry is a form of music. Music is a form of poetry. Their impact is even greater when put together.

As a gift to one another for our – Susan and my – 50th wedding anniversary, we commissioned music from the musical director of The Actual Dance, Eli Zoller. He and the amazing Lora Lee Gayer sing it for us. 

I find the song soothing in these difficult times we find ourselves.

As the month of April has unfolded, it has become clear that we are confronted with fear. Not just for ourselves. Fear – the worst fear – that we might lose the loves of our lives.

When I wrote US, the message was that the most important thing we can do in life is tell those we love, “I love you.” In a time when we may not be able to hold, touch, hug or kiss some of those we hold dear, hopefully this poem and music will remind US that all we have to do is say it –

I love you.

Please enjoy the song.  If you would like a signed CD please consider a donation to The Actual Dance of $25 or more. It helps sustain this work. Our mission is to bring performance of all those who need to see it, those in need of the power of healing within the story and the performance. Your support helps make that possible. Get yours here.
I want a signed CD!
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Music by Eli Zoller
Lyrics by Samuel A. Simon 
Arrangement and Orchestration by Eli Zoller
 
Vocals by Lora Lee Gayer and Eli Zoller
Guitar by Eli Zoller
Violin by Justin Smith
Cello by Eric Cooper
Bass by Lloyd Kikoler
 
Recorded at John Kilgore Sound, July 13, 2016
Engineered by Jason Huibregtse
© Music Composition Eli Katz Zoller
© Lyrics US Samuel A Simon

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The Poetry of The Actual Dance: An Interview with Poet, Jacqueline Jules

4/13/2020

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In honor of #NationalPoetryMonth, I'm honored to host my very first blog interview with my friend and teacher, Jacqueline Jules. 

Jackie is an award-winning author​ and poet. She doesn't have a preference for a particular genre. Drawn to writing for her love of playing with words and their meaning to communicate with others, at the end of the day, she's just an enthusiastic fan of a good story with compelling characters.

I'm so thrilled s
he took the time to speak with me about the intersection of loss and grief and her work.

​Celebrate My First Blog Interview and Participation in Digital Arts Theater with a Donation!

Honor of National Poetry Month with a Donation

I'm doing all I can to keep up with the times and keep The Actual Dance current. My goal is to expose the story to as many people as possible. The poetry, doing blog interviews and participating in think-outside-the-box projects like Digital Arts Theater are just a few of the ways we accomplish that. Your donation is needed to continue our work.

Every donation, no matter the size, helps.​

The Actual Dance is a sponsored project of Fractured Atlas, a non-profit arts service organization. Contributions for the charitable purposes of The Actual Dance must be made payable to "Fractured Atlas" only and are tax-deductible to the extent permitted by law.
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The Poetry of The Actual Dance: Hollow

4/10/2020

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We always end up in the same place – standing alone in the center of the universe – truly alone. ​
The Actual Dance is the ritual of being with the person you love most in life as they take their last breath. It is indeed a beautiful, intime and elegant goodbye. It is the journey of two people who love each other so deeply their souls become entwined. At the end, the soul of one of them slips into eternity.

It is the play I wrote as I imagined the need to hold my wife Susan as she was supposed to succumb to her breast cancer. An end, as hard as it was, with beauty and dignity, of an elegant good-bye.

The first performance evoked a response that was not anticipated. “Beautify and dignity, you say.” Wrote a reviewer. “What about the shop owner shot in the throat gurgling blood as he lies dying on the street? His wife and kids at home. Where is the beauty and dignity in that?”

A provocative and difficult question. It helped me understand more deeply the meaning of the work I had written. The ritual – the actual dance – of losing someone we love happens no matter how the loss occurs. One is the elegant version –the chance to hold and be present for the person you love. Then there is, in effect, the phone call. The chaplain knocking at the door. News on television of the shooting at the grade school where your child is a student.
​
The “dance” -- if you will – still happens. In each case, we come to terms with the most difficult moment or event in our lives. Confronting the loss of someone we love in the world more than anything else. It is just different. We always end up in the same place – standing alone in the center of the universe – truly alone. Here is the poem I wrote and have now edited. It was written first in 2012.
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Share your thoughts with me. I'd love to hear what you think of Hollow.
​Share this with your friends on social media. 
​​

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Donate in honor of Sam's poetry and National Poetry Month. Every dollar counts. Help us spread the word and important work of The Actual Dance. 
​Thank you.
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The Poetry of The Actual Dance

4/3/2020

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It imagines the possibility that souls – essence of two people – can become literally, physically intertwined.
In honor of National Poetry Month, I will be sharing some of the poetry of The Actual Dance. These are poems, most of which I have written, are part of the story of The Actual Dance.
 
We will also be inviting other poets to share their work around themes of love and loss and resilience. There will also be interviews using the technology of Zoom that will allow participation.           
 
The Actual Dance for a reader who might not be familiar is the play I wrote in 2012 and which has been performed hundreds of times since then. If you are reading this blog you are probably on the web site. I hope you will explore.
 
The Actual Dance is a love story – the tale of my journey as my wife, Susan, was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer. The doctors became convinced she was not going to survive, and her prognosis became steadily worse. I then had to prepare for the worst. The play is the story of that preparation. Spoiler, she survived, and we are going to celebrate our 54th wedding anniversary this year.
 
“The Actual Dance” is also a metaphor for the universal ritual of end-of-life. It imagines a place in the middle of infinity where there is a giant ballroom and an orchestra. There is a moment when the orchestra plays the song of our hearts. During that moment Susan would evaporate out of my arms into a bright white light.
 
The first poem I’m sharing with you this month is called US. It is the beginning and the end of the story. It is about what love really means. It is what I have come to understand how Susan and I – and I hope others who are in love – are connected.
​
It imagines the possibility that souls – essence of two people – can become literally, physically intertwined. We move from two to one, not necessarily in body or mind. Rather in soul. We are each and equal half of the other. Our essence has become intertwined. Is it because we are ‘meant to be’? B’shert is the Yiddish word for “meant-to-be.” A destiny. Or, is it something we became in time through ongoing intimate engagement and commitment? Or, is it something else? You decide. 
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​Donate in Honor of National Poetry Month
Sam Simon's poetry is one of the many art forms used in The Actual Dance. Support our effort in reaching the many who need to hear the message of this award-winning play.

Every donation, no matter the size, helps.​
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    Sam Simon

    Samuel A. Simon is the playwright and performer of The Actual Dance. 

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